Doxie Rules!
Rules For Dachshund Owners

1.  Dachshunds are never permitted in the house.  The Dachshund stays outside in a specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

2.  Okay, the Dachshund can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.

3.  Okay, the Dachshund can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4.  In side the house, the Dachshund is not allowed to run free and is confined to comfortable but secure metal cage.

5.  Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale and the Dachshund can go wherever he pleases.

6.  The Dachshund is never allowed on the furniture.

7.  Okay, the Dachshund can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.

8.  Okay, the Dachshund can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works and buy new furniture, upon which the Dachshund will most definitely not be allowed.

9.  The Dachshund never sleeps on the bed, period.

10.  Okay, the Dachshund can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11.  Okay, the Dachshund can sleep along side you but he's not allowed under the covers.

12.  Okay, the Dachshund can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the pillow.

13.  Okay, the Dachshund can sleep along side you under the covers with his head on the pillow but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

14.  Okay, the Dachshund can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping.  That's just not fair.
The Dachshund Lives Here!

The Dachshund lives here, you don't. 
If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 
Yes, she has some disgusting habits.  So do I and so do you.  What's your point? 
OF COURSE she smells like a dog. 
It's her nature to try to sniff your crotch.  Please feel free to sniff hers. 
I like her alot better then I like most people.  To you she's a dog, to me she's like an adopted daughter, who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. 
I have no problem with any of these things.  Dogs are better then kids.  They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups. 
The same applies for the cats, except they will ignore you...until you're asleep.  
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